From Excitedly Anticipating Rest
In response to a weekly letter about the difference between recovery rest and anticipatory rest, this comment came up and I felt compelled to draft a response.
“I’m looking forward to hearing about ways to practice anticipatory rest.
I really liked hearing about your pie chart for rest — it made me think about my own, in a different way. I thought about how over the last 2 years my pie chart has shifted from overwhelmingly “feeling guilty about rest” to “feeling neutral about rest” — looking forward to when there is a bigger piece for “planning ahead and excited for rest.”
In that particular weekly letter, I shared that “either we’re resting from something or we’re resting for something.” And that I think the latter is rare.
I still stand on that premise as I look at the pace of our lives and what ends up mattering more than what matters in eternity.
Here’s what I mean…
We are just so stinkin’ tired…
We are so tired from just living life - “adulting” as the young folks say. And we’re not enjoying living. We’re weary with responsibility, burdened with expectations to succeed + be seen. There is pressure to perform and even to rest in particular ways. There is just so much to do. So when someone shares their need to rest, there is very often a list of accomplishments attached to their request as proof they deserve time away from their mounting demands.
And so rest becomes less of the invitation intended by God, but more of a stifled, sometimes acceptable way to recover from said expectations + requests; many of which we put upon ourselves. There’s little to no-time to even consider the idea of resting in anticipation of something. We’re so heavily focused on recovering from something - and that’s not even mainstream yet.
I’ve not practiced this a ton for myself yet, but now that I’m better at recovery rest, I have set my sights on anticipatory rest and here are a few things about it that I think others may want to consider. There is almost nothing on the subject, so these are my own non-professional, highly renegade thoughts based upon doing the opposite of managing “anticipatory anxiety/grief”.
IDENTIFY AN UPCOMING EVENT IN YOUR LIFE THAT IS NEW
Choose a life altering, habit-upside downing, havoc wreaking event. You’ll need to be honest with yourself about this - it could be a job change, a relationship challenge or even something within your control. No matter how big or little it may seem to someone else, if it is causing you even a tiny bit of anxiety, it is worth becoming incredibly curious about it.
Once you’ve identified your big (for you) event - just one for now, mmkay?!? - then write down all the fears + concerns that are taking up space in your heart about it. Go on. Be so honest with yourself that you find tears streaming down your cheeks and landing on your paper.
IDENTIFY THE RESTFUL RESPONSE TO YOUR NEW THING
Notice this says “response” not “reaction”…
When we approach circumstances from a restful stance, we are more likely to respond in love and graciousness rather than lashing out in bitterness and pain. I have found it helpful to go back to the list of anxieties and concerns and write the more calm, aligned with my values responses to those fears and concerns. It has even been beneficial to find scriptures that cut to the matter within me to stand on when I’m wavering between anxiety and belief (which is restful). Look for themes when you’re doing this and narrow your focus on one or two things that stand out about who you would need to be in that upcoming new situation to respond from a place of rest instead of being controlled by an anxiety producing response and then later feeling guilt/shame and needing to apologize and repair.
WRITE A NEW STORY that centers rest
First, breathe.
It’s hard to imagine how we’ll act in any situation and none of us can predict the future. But, when we bump up against the bossiness of anxiety and instead focus on anticipating that we can be restful no matter what comes our way, we have a far better chance at navigating the situation with more peace, gentleness + love than if we had only planned for the rest that comes after that thing happens or the new scenario becomes our real normal.
You will need to have some clear boundaries - which may not seem restful, but trust me it is - and you’ll need to have some allies. In order to be restful, you need a plan and when life changing moments that we can anticipate are coming into our lives, being able to respond from rest will also grow you into being someone who can also respond this way in moments that are out of your control.
As you excitedly anticipate rest in this new season of your life, create a mantra you can come back to that will help you stay on course when things go sideways. And they will. Picture you, picture your restful response and how it will better serve you and everyone impacted.
Gift yourself the time to look ahead and think about you in this new new. I really hope it makes you sincerely smile.
With Love,
Regina
